Tag Archives: Boundaries

The Biggest Trick to Survival as an Empath

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A post here is LONG overdue.  That said, let me just get straight to things so I avoid rambling.

This is one of those things that’s soooo simple I’m afraid it will get overlooked and discounted, much like God telling the Isrealites to look at Moses’ staff to be healed in the wilderness.  I see empaths making this mistake over and over again though, even when they should know better.

So what is the “trick”?  Do NOT be a slave to your feelings.  I know this runs contrary to popular culture, and much teaching (or talk at least) about empathic ability.  Feelings are sacred!  Feelings are power to shape the universe!  I understand getting caught up in that mess too.  I’ve had friends literally half a world away that I could sense everything going on in their lives.

Feelings are irrational and can lead you down dangerous paths sometimes.  The classic, hell stereotypical example of falling in love with a physically and emotionally abusive bad boy (or girl), for example.  Your heart can lead you astray when dealing with con artists and “players” also.  Then there’s just getting sucked into other peoples’ hate also.  Those kind of people feed on the negative energy you send them.

If you learn to pay attention to feelings without worshiping them…  Use your intellect to explore if they’re yours, somebody else’s or even rational, you can do ALOT to take back control of your emotional well being as well as your mental and physical health.

The alternative is becoming a person who is always consumed by sadness and drama, and attracting even more of it to you.  Remember, Energy Flows Where Attention Goes.  Optionally, you could get angry, bitter and withdraw from much of life.  That’s an even bigger hell for an empath.  No matter how much we think we’re introverts, we need other people around us.

Sadly, most empaths are so dependent upon their empathy as a radar and interpersonal communication guide, they don’t even realize that you can shield yourself from emotional energy just like any other form of spiritual energy.  You may have to cut spiritual attachment “cords” though to be truly effective.

One trick here that I’ve only recently figured out (there’s ALWAYS room to learn and grow) is to use a bubble shield and then “feel” the emotions hitting the shield without letting them through.  It’s been a godsend technique for me.

Don’t Judge?

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This concept came up yet again in Liz’s reply to my last post.  I think it’s one I have to voice an opinion on now.  The thing is, judging situations and people is an important part of life.  It’s doubly so for empaths if we’re to avoid being exploited and manipulated.  Let’s start with the obvious.  Is it wrong to judge:

  1. Pedophiles
  2. Murderers
  3. Rapists

I doubt anybody remotely rational would say it’s wrong.  I’ve met a few crazies that would excuse that kind of behavior though.  I think where some well-meaning people in the middle get tripped up is that they can’t or don’t want to understand that you can judge a behavior and person as wrong while still having some understanding of the circumstances that led a person to do something bad.  You can have sympathy for a drunk driver having  just been dumped, but that doesn’t excuse their killing 3 other people while driving drunk.

 

All of this sort of leads back to my post on boundaries.  We have to be able to make judgments about right and wrong, people and situations to be able to establish reasonable boundaries.  In my opinion, the key lies in the proper translation of that Bible verse: “Judge not unrighteous judgments, lest ye be judged”.  To me, that means you do NOT go for blood over an argument caused by somebody having a bad day.  The reaction has to rationally fit the situation, factoring in if it’s a repeating issue.

Another part of that is letting go of hate and anger.  OK, your significant other cheated on you and left (as another example).  It’s fair to say they’re a bad person.  It’s also fair to say you don’t want to see them again.  Beyond that, let it go.  Hanging onto hate only poisons your own soul, blocks your growth as a person and allows no room for better things to take the place of what you lost.  All of that is the start of proper, wise judgment.

 

Part of the reason I rally against the “no judgment” crowd is that it’s so often used as another way to manipulate people into saying they should have no standards, no discernment and no common sense.  These folks are sometimes doing things they know are morally or legally wrong and don’t want to be called on it, OR just use “don’t judge” as a way to shut down debate, and guilt or bully people into their point of view.  Ironically, the last type is VERY prone to judging people they disagree with.

 

So there you have it.  It’s perfectly fine to judge, just do so with wisdom and compassion.

False Compassion + An Update

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Back among the living after a draining day yesterday with my step-father’s funeral.  He was ultimately a positive anchor for the family (mainly my mom) so I’m not looking forward to where things MAY go from here with him gone.  I get back to my blog and email after a day and a half, and I had 114 email notifications to go through.  Fun times. LOL.  Three hours later I’m done.

One post in particular that I read inspired today’s post here.  It was about how Walls Don’t Work.  Political commentary, but there’s a larger issue here, especially for empaths.

Walls & boundaries DO work.  Not perfectly.  NOTHING created by humans ever will work perfectly.  If there are no boundaries of any sort, people will walk all over you, so YES it’s OK to say NO.

BTW, the book “Boundaries” by Dr Henry Cloud is GREAT reading on how to set reasonable boundaries.

So how does false compassion tie into both personal boundaries and physical walls?  First we have to define it.  False compassion is an idea or action that FEELS good but does nothing to fix a problem or only makes it worse.  The easiest example is the stereotypical “Give a drunk a drink”.  They may feel better short term, but you’ve only prolonged their suffering.

Let’s go with another example here in my home town.  It’s a good one because it also illustrates how false compassion can negatively impact others as well.  We have a huge homeless population problem here.  Part of that problem is that they go through neighborhoods on trash pickup nights, ransack cans and dump trash all over the place.  There have been some ugly fights about the issue on a certain community based website network that I wont give publicity to also.  The false compassion crowd says people have no right to complain because home owners have more.  They virtue signal about how they give money to these homeless people also and how wonderful they are for doing it.

Point out that you’re doing nothing to change the situation for the homeless, that you’d be better off giving that money to shelters that help them get off the street, and you’re attacked as a selfish nazi.

The point here is that false compassion is a form of manipulation and emotional blackmail.  It guilts people wrongly into doing things, and often with the only benefit being it keeps the guilter from doing anything meaningful about the situation themself.

Let’s look at the border wall example.  First let me say I believe we need immigration reform along with the wall.  I’ve seen first hand that there ARE jobs Americans won’t do (A major sign of a dying civilization BTW), and good people deserve a shot at the American Dream also.

BUT…  If you boil the Wall issue down to a personal level, what you have is your neighbor saying that you have a bigger house and more things than they do.  Because of that, your neighbor’s family is ENTITLED to come in and take what they want, make use of the house any way they see fit, etc…  If you say anything about it, even objecting to ONE member of the family being a felon, then you’re a racist, nationalist, nazi, etc…

If you doubt that’s the mentality, remember the news footage of the caravan members throwing rocks and trying to rush the border to get past the Border Patrol there.

Again, I’m not heartless.  I believe we should help who we can, individually and as a country.  There’s a BIG difference between your neighbor asking for help dealing with a problem and demanding you fix it for them.

So yes, a wall is only a proper boundary.  It’s designed to help us control who comes into our country, just like a front door is designed to let you control who comes into your house.  Neither are a perfect defense.  Again, no such thing.  That front door can be kicked in, BUT it’s a strong start, isn’t it?

The VAST majority of people from Central and South America are honest, very hard working people.  They deserve a chance to come here temporarily to work or to try to become citizens.  We also have a right and a moral obligation to the public to make a real effort to keep the drugs, gang members and human traffickers OUT however.

And again, the lesson spills back over to surviving as an empath also.  You have a right to establish boundaries, not be used by people, and maintain control of YOUR life.  There are people you want to let into your life, and some you want to exclude.  That’s fine, and don’t let anybody guilt trip and manipulate you into believing otherwise.  Often, it’s just an excuse to become an emotional drain on you.