Back among the living after a draining day yesterday with my step-father’s funeral. He was ultimately a positive anchor for the family (mainly my mom) so I’m not looking forward to where things MAY go from here with him gone. I get back to my blog and email after a day and a half, and I had 114 email notifications to go through. Fun times. LOL. Three hours later I’m done.
One post in particular that I read inspired today’s post here. It was about how Walls Don’t Work. Political commentary, but there’s a larger issue here, especially for empaths.
Walls & boundaries DO work. Not perfectly. NOTHING created by humans ever will work perfectly. If there are no boundaries of any sort, people will walk all over you, so YES it’s OK to say NO.
BTW, the book “Boundaries” by Dr Henry Cloud is GREAT reading on how to set reasonable boundaries.
So how does false compassion tie into both personal boundaries and physical walls? First we have to define it. False compassion is an idea or action that FEELS good but does nothing to fix a problem or only makes it worse. The easiest example is the stereotypical “Give a drunk a drink”. They may feel better short term, but you’ve only prolonged their suffering.
Let’s go with another example here in my home town. It’s a good one because it also illustrates how false compassion can negatively impact others as well. We have a huge homeless population problem here. Part of that problem is that they go through neighborhoods on trash pickup nights, ransack cans and dump trash all over the place. There have been some ugly fights about the issue on a certain community based website network that I wont give publicity to also. The false compassion crowd says people have no right to complain because home owners have more. They virtue signal about how they give money to these homeless people also and how wonderful they are for doing it.
Point out that you’re doing nothing to change the situation for the homeless, that you’d be better off giving that money to shelters that help them get off the street, and you’re attacked as a selfish nazi.
The point here is that false compassion is a form of manipulation and emotional blackmail. It guilts people wrongly into doing things, and often with the only benefit being it keeps the guilter from doing anything meaningful about the situation themself.
Let’s look at the border wall example. First let me say I believe we need immigration reform along with the wall. I’ve seen first hand that there ARE jobs Americans won’t do (A major sign of a dying civilization BTW), and good people deserve a shot at the American Dream also.
BUT… If you boil the Wall issue down to a personal level, what you have is your neighbor saying that you have a bigger house and more things than they do. Because of that, your neighbor’s family is ENTITLED to come in and take what they want, make use of the house any way they see fit, etc… If you say anything about it, even objecting to ONE member of the family being a felon, then you’re a racist, nationalist, nazi, etc…
If you doubt that’s the mentality, remember the news footage of the caravan members throwing rocks and trying to rush the border to get past the Border Patrol there.
Again, I’m not heartless. I believe we should help who we can, individually and as a country. There’s a BIG difference between your neighbor asking for help dealing with a problem and demanding you fix it for them.
So yes, a wall is only a proper boundary. It’s designed to help us control who comes into our country, just like a front door is designed to let you control who comes into your house. Neither are a perfect defense. Again, no such thing. That front door can be kicked in, BUT it’s a strong start, isn’t it?
The VAST majority of people from Central and South America are honest, very hard working people. They deserve a chance to come here temporarily to work or to try to become citizens. We also have a right and a moral obligation to the public to make a real effort to keep the drugs, gang members and human traffickers OUT however.
And again, the lesson spills back over to surviving as an empath also. You have a right to establish boundaries, not be used by people, and maintain control of YOUR life. There are people you want to let into your life, and some you want to exclude. That’s fine, and don’t let anybody guilt trip and manipulate you into believing otherwise. Often, it’s just an excuse to become an emotional drain on you.